Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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