erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it was like eating out sand paper
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
