HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
