I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
