I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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