I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
