Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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