I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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