Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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