im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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