i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
