My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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