I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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