She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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