she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
