Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize