Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
