Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
