fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
