8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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