insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
