my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
its not stalking. its research.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
