Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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