just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
