Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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