The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
