If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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