Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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