So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
