Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize