Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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