I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
