I looked at my own cervix.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
