Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can i not drive my cunt home
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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