Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
