I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
