You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
