Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
