I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
