I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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