Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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