I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
