the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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