Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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