Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
