Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize