It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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