Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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