Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
