When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
