At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
