So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize