she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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