Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
