My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
