I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
