Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
