dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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