Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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