So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
