oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
