I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
