Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
