i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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