Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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