so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
