Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
