You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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