They should really pass out barf bags in church
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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