Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
