Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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