come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
