am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
