you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
