if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
