it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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