Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
