so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize