Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
