He had one of those small greek statue penises
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
