my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
