What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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