words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize