The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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